Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
