If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
