We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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