By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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