You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize