Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
