Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
