He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
