I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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