Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
