bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
