ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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