I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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