big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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