is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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