if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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