I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
