party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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