Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
