wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
