Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
