If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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