I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
