She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
