she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
why is half of my head shaved?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize