well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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