Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize