I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
