Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
