That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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