They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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