Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize