would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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