I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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