I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
