Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
