just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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