I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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