Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
