i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
