"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
