My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize