is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
