opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
