just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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