Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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