She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
