Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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