This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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