Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
