I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
