Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How external is "for external use only"?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
