found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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