he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I deserve this hangover.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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