I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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