Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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