So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize