I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize