just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
