first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
