The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
