yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
