I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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