He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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