Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
