Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
