that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
