I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
