Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
