u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
