you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
