I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
