Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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