dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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