we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
