i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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